Groot kak at Constantia
On Friday the Madame and myself ventured out to the Constantia wine route with the relativity new Cape Point Vineyards as our final destination. A combination of irrelevant situations prevented us from an early departure so we left just after 12:00. We were still under the impression that this should be early enough to give Groot Constantia a go, seeing that our last visit, about a year ago, were absolutely appalling to say the least. In this time we’ve been to more then 200 wine farms, met the Groot Constantia wine maker and educated our palettes extensively. So we thought our new knowledge will help us appreciate this grand wine icon’s tasting experience a bit more. What a big fucking mistake!
Going to Groot Constantia as a normal wine consumer is as good as booking yourself into Pollsmoor Prison for a gang rape session. This place’s only mission is to fuck you over. I will never in my life go their again, or at least not until my rectum stops bleeding. It’s a vulgar place where the useless wine staff’s total lack of interest contaminant the wine until it taste like vinegar. With each sip I just wanted to fuck-off and escape from this Groot nightmare. That fact that we had to pay for this experience made me feel like a complete idiot. For R28 you get wine, full stop. What type of wine? Who knows, no one there cares to tell us. They were to busy doing fuck-all. I’ve experience better service from a sampling stand in the Pick n Pay.
When we left I almost had a tear in my eye. If this is our wine icon which showcase our wine industry and present our friendly South African service to thousand of tourists a year, I’m crying with embarrassment. As we drove to our next stop it occurred to me that this experience now influenced my whole perspective of the Constantia route. I wanted to warn all the other wineries in the Constantia area about this gangster that rape tourist and locals alike, while hiding in sheep’s clothes made from years of history and heritage. If the Constantia wine route is not careful this Groot shit will drag the whole area down into it’s wicket ways. I do not know if the people at Groot Constantia are under the impression that the general public are fucking idiots and that we do not know when someone rips us off, but I’ve got news from them, we do. I will never go back to this useless institution, never drink their wine (even if every bottle they every make from now onwards get 5 stars from Platter and its cronies) and will make a point to warn ever tourist and South African never to go here again.
But on a lighter point the next farm we visited, after this fiasco, quickly cemented my respect and love for the Constantia route. There are truly amazing gems here, if you can look pass the pile of shit that is Groot Constantia.
The sad thing is that while the staff Groot Constantia are indeed snobby, elitist and uninterested, this article is appallingly written. Spelling mistakes, tense mix-ups, and a host of other mistakes make this article more of an embarrassment that the service at GC. Only a few foreign tourists will be disenchanted by GC but potentially millions of people will see this article online and think badly of South Africans.
Hi Steve
Thank you for your useless remark. I do not proclaim to be a writer, specially with regards to english. I’m just a pissed-off consumer trying to get my point across. If you have a problem with people that can’t spell on the web, I should have a problem with everyone that can’t code a website.
It brings a smile to my face and a song to my heart to know that myself and my friends are not the only ones that feel Groot Constantia sucks the rigid cock of Satan. I’ve been there 4 times in a period of 6 years, and on EVERY SINGLE occasion I had an identical experience to yours. THey even managed to piss me off at the very first Winter Wine festival at the High Street. What’s up with that bullshit that you have to buy tickets? Is it a fucking church bazaar? Do they not have a liquor license? The staff sits on chairs behind the counter, looking at you as if you are interfering with their mindless conversations and the moment you ask them anything other than what they are pouring you, they totally clam up. Ignorant is not a strong enough word.
Like you, I am proclaiming to all that will listen that Groot Constantia is the biggest waste of time in the South African wine industry. I’ll rather stick needles in my eyes before I will say anything positive about them or set foot on the property again.
Apart from the rather appalling grammar and spelling, I was shocked by this pathetic article. I run a guest house and part of my business is taking overseas clients to some of the most spectacular wine farms throughout the Cape. We spend on average a week with each group of clients, taking them through the various regions; Stellenbosch, Franschoek, Paarl, and finally Cape Town. Groot Constantia is usually favoured by the majority of our visitors as their favourite winery to visit, and we have had many return clients (and referrals) who request to visit this great iconic place specifically.
The service has always been excellent and the wines are first rate. I have never had any complaints from any of my clients, and I have always enjoyed the spectacular views and ambiance that surrounds the place. On one particular visit with a group of French (winemaker & sommelier) visitors, the winemakers requested to meet the charming winemaker, Boela Gerber, to congratulate him on the outstanding quality of his wines.
Groot Constantia is one of South Africa’s great icons. The wines are great, service is always top quality and the venue is superb. We can be proud of this history wine farm.
Your site is called “Spit or swallow”? In the case of your pseudo journalism, I would definitely suggest spitting & then gargling with some battery acid to get rid of the taste… Get a real job buddy – leave the writing to people who actually know what they are talking about.
Aaa Matthew Matthew. I’m only saying this one more time. I can’t spell and write, if thats to much to handle please skip along. And I wish I can do this for a living, but like my mother told me when I was 10, “this dyslectic thing is going to get you in trouble.” Sorry mum I’ll practice some more.
Anyhow, I do not proclaim its always like this at Groot Constantia for everyone, but it’s definitely been crap every time I’ve been there. Unfortunately I do not own a bus to receive better treatment.
PS. Matthew and Steve. You will not believe this but I’ve spot a few grammar and spelling errors in the article (as last) but decided to keep it as is. Hopefully this will help your comment to stay relevant.
What an ‘unhappy chappy’ Mr Laubscher seems to be! Such incredible vitriolic and unacceptable obscene ‘gutter’ language indicative of the type of person those at Groot Constantia probably had to endure with Mr Laubscher’s visit !! There are always two sides to a coin.
Groot Constantia has built its world-wide reputation on its magnificent wines, immaculate farm, and knowledgable, enthusiastic, and delightful staff. Please continue to give Groot Constantia a miss Mr Laubscher. You will do most people a massive favour!
Thanks Tim
I will. By the way, we were the only people there and I would love to hear Groot Constantia’s side.
The only thing I picked up while patiently waiting for my next glass of wine was some “skinner” from behind the counter about the English Election and Gorden’s changes.
Who knows, maybe it had something to do with my wine or the place. They did not bother to tell me anything. I’ll happily skip along.
[...] of Nobu and Maze and the recent amazing Gordon Ramsay fiasco dinner and Winetimes who compare the tasting room experience at Groot Constantia to “booking yourself into Pollsmoor Prison for a gang rape [...]
Mmmm… I see the debate rages on. From my less obscene (slightly) point of view, I agree wholeheartedly with Mr Laubscher. I’ve not been there just once or twice, but several times over many years, and ON EVERY SINGLE occasion the service was as bad as Mr Laubscher describes or worse. Like Matthew I also took tourists there, but unlike Matthew I had shocking service and a shocking experience all round. And my tourists will NOT be back.
Two sides to a story… with Groot Constantia the impression is that both sides are equally crap at service.